Journey To Self
I used to be a meticulous planner, I knew precisely what I wanted, or at least so I thought. I had a 1-year plan, a 10-year plan, and even a retirement plan. I said to my self “At so so age, and at so so time, so and so must have happened”. It was a perfect plan and that was the problem, I gave no room for chance. I failed to consider external factors, I failed to see that things weren’t always in my hands. I was ignorant to the fact that as time went by, the person I become might be at odds with who I was. That my priorities could change, my view on life, and who I am.
Life pried my eyes to the reality of things. It took my book of plans, it laughed out loud as it soaked it in gasoline. I looked on powerless, crippled by shock, I watched as it set my plans aflame. It snapped its fingers and my fairytale world crashed before my very eyes, I was left in the rubble of failed expectations. Frustrated and upset, sad and confused, petrified, overwhelmed, and perhaps a little bit cynical. I sunk deep into myself, disengaged from the world around me, my effort seemed like futility, a chasing after the wind. I felt defeated.
I know better now, I’m in a good place. I’ve learned to recalibrate my expectations. I now know the value of change, I embrace it, I cradle it in my bosom, I eagerly pursue it and I take notes from it. The fear of failure has lost its grip on me, I stare it in the face, unwavering, willing to engage, thrilled even. Don’t get me wrong, I still plan, but with more perspective now, with the flexibility to accommodate divergence that could come. I am on the journey to who I am, only now I am armed, with the knowledge of precisely what it is I want, happiness for me and my clan.
